I thought my dad would be having chemo on the Tuesday mentioned in the last post but it'll be sometime after the 28th from what I know. Right now there isn't much I do now. I do know it's follicular cancer and he has different bumps on his body where the cancer is. They'll be doing a pet or pat scan (whatever it is called) on the 28th to see the rest of where they can't see on his body. Also my mom had to get a secondary insurance for my dad . The medicare was going to pay 80% but the 20% left would be too much with the cost of the scans and whatever else. I think another thing they have however will cover the drugs (or whathave you). I hope so anyway.

I found out today that my dad has cancer.
I kind of already had felt in me that he did from those few words spoken by my mom recently: The doctor told us that he hoped it wasn't what he thought it was.
Those words alone let me know but I didn't want to really hear or think about it. Who does? Who wants to think about their dad having cancer?
Earlier I had thought about calling him and I had no idea why. I even thought about inviting him out to eat with me to a place I went earlier with my friends. I didn't even care that my mom wouldn't be around because you see right now she's in West Texas.  It's strange. It's as if I knew something was going on or going to happen. Those two things alone are not in my nature. My dad and I. We haven't exactly had the relationship I could of wanted but then we never actually had one at all.
My sister had tried to call me but I missed it. A bit after my mom called me and she told me. I was silent, holding back tears, her silent too, and in my tear filled words I'd told her that I knew the moment I'd gotten a call from my sister that something was going on. It's why when I answered the phone I immediately asked my mom what was going on, in a nervous manner. It's funny. Those simple words that I don't remember the exact wording of, how they can change your life so quickly. All I had to hear was my dad and cancer in the same sentence.
My mom will be coming home tomorrow. I figured she would but I called her earlier to ask if she was. On Monday we'll be going to a meeting at the hospital to ask questions, to hear, to know what's going on, what will happen, so forth and so on. I'm scared of going, but I feel I need to be and I want to be there, along with my dad, with my mom, with my sister, and hopefully my brother if he can be.
On Tuesday, my dad begins chemotherapy. All I know is that it's going to be done to see if it can reduce the cells, the cancer, I don't know what exactly. I guess I'll find out.
I can't stop crying right now. I only cried a bit earlier. I didn't even care if anyone saw me . AJ came in and hugged me and I actually just cried. I never thought there would be a moment when I wouldn't care but I guess I was right. You can never say never. I truly felt more loved by AJ at that moment. She really hugged me and she had tears in her eyes. It wasn't those actions alone. It's just something in how she was.
I only want certain people to know about all this and even those people I don't know how to tell them. I guess in a way it's good I don't have too many friends offline or online. I don't have to say much and even if I could I don't have much to say since I know really nothing.
I think it's a good idea though to just let my dad be. Not pretend that he doesn't have cancer but also not always be dwelling on it. That's not what he needs. He needs us to be there for him, and be strong along with him.
I was thinking I might move on sooner than I thought and go live at the house even before AJ and Daniel move out of the apartments. They want to get a house and they may get one particular one but I dont know. My thought about moving out prior to finding this out about my dad is one that Im considering more. I think my mom will need me too. Not just my dad. Since I dont drive it would be more ideal too in order to help and see both more. If not that then Im going to try staying there a few days out of the week when Im off or when Im not.
I never imagined when I knew life was going to change, learning to drive soon when mom returned, and getting my own apartment, but this? I hope I can get by with the best possible manner. I hope we all can. Especially my dad but he's making himself so strong but I also think he really is. He'll be a fighter no matter what kind of end he has, whether he fights it and passes away from it, whether he fights it and one day simply dies of old age. I know he can do this and I just hope I really learn from this that I definitely have to my life, really live it. That's something I've never really done.